I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
