dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
