I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
