Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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