Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
