i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
