i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
