It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
