And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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