I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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