that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
