I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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