Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
