I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
