i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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