We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
