you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There r osticjed everywhere
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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