Moan for me like Helen Keller
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
