You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
there was a trapeze. enough said
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
