Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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