Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
