BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
