What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
