I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We have started to decorate penises.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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