I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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