Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
