sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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