Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
