think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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