Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
