if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
