I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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