Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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