I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
