I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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