All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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