I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
