he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
