I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize