Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
