Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
