Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
