I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
