I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
