She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
