I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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