I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
