He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
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And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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