Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
