I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
