I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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