you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
