Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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