I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
