Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
