God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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