No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Randomize
