my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
