Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Dear god my vagina.
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