Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
