tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
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