get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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