remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
