I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
