A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
