just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
