You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
