When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
