Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
