if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
