like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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