State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
