My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
